Why Do I Care About The Google Phone?

I have to spend a few sentences on the announcement by Google that they would be developing a new mobile phone platform, called Android. The interesting part about the announcement is that they have teamed up with over 30 high profile companies in the mobile space, including T-mobile and Sprint, as part of an initiative called the Open Handset Alliance. Why should you care? Well, for starters, maybe we can finally get to a point where we can break the death grip of the US wireless carriers. Wouldn't it be great to have a phone that is capable of working on any network in the US and isn't exclusive to one carrier (i.e. Apple's deal with AT&T to have the iPhone running on the AT&T network fo the next 5 years.) Google's genius is that they are out to crush the smartphone makers out there by offering their technology as opensource free to most handset makers. The handset makers will have the ability to add features to the operating systems to differentiate themselves from the herd.

Two carriers, AT&T and Verizon, opted out of the OHA while one company, Qualcomm, who developed the BREW platform that only runs on Verizon opted in. While AT&T and Verizon will try to keep their death grip on their partners and their subscribers for the time being the signing of Qualcomm makes you think that the old way of US Carrier's doing business might be changing. Don't forget, they tried this once before when they would not open up their networks to the mobile internet. Instead, they subscribed to the "walled garden" theory of life. Lock your customers into browsing only what you allow them to and purchasing only the content you offer them. This, of course, came crashing down and I suspect its just a matter of time before AT&T and Verizon sign on to the OHA.

Writers Strike, Who Cares

Does anyone really care that the writers have decided the go on strike? I see the story posted on MSNBC's Breaking News wire right next to stories like 'Pakistan Cracks Down On Protests'. Surely, the writers going on strike isn't as important as national unrest in Pakistan, or is it? I am sure that there are going to be millions of people in America who will be devastated to learn that tonight they will see a repeat of The Tonight Show. Unfortunately, you won't be able to see some crappy actor talk about his new movie. What are we going to do? This also means that in a few months you won't be able to see what Dr. McDreamy is going to do on Gray's Anatomy or what will happen on Wisteria Lane because there are only a half of a season of shows taped so far. American's will be panicked. What will they do between 7:00pm and midnight if their stories aren't on the tube? Perhaps, we are headed for some unrest ourselves.

Most networks are claiming that there is no need to worry, 'We have plenty of reality and news shows ready to go' to fill the time. Fantastic! Extra helpings of The Bachelor, Big Brother, Amazing Race and whatever else they throw out at us. But don't get your hopes up, this also means extra helpings of 20/20, Dateline and other horrible 'news' shows. Don't tell anyone, but, if I'm really bored, I'll definitely sneak a peak at some extra episodes of Dateline: To Catch a Predator...those are great.

Here's my hope for the salvation of America...I hope that the writers strike goes on for years and by the time all interested parties come to terms, America has moved on from Ugly Betty. My hope is that we, as Americans, discover some of the other joys that life has to offer. Maybe parents might actually talk to their kids, maybe kids will actually read a book (my guess is they will go back to playing x-box live) and posting shit on Facebook. The point is, this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to do something that we would have never have done because we were sitting in front of your television. Carpe Diem, bitches. And, thank you writers.

She's a Bad Bitch

Just look at the eyes, folks. Trina would be proud. Heather Mills (who?) has made herself out to look like one bas ass crazy bitch. Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I am a big time Beatles fan. I love the music but I could care less what Paul, Jon, George and Ring do/did in their private life. But, when you see Paul McCartney's kinda ex-wife all over the news ranting and raving about how badly she's been treated in the press you kind of get the feeling that she's gone nuts. Look, I'm not any kind of show-biz show watcher. I am not celebrity obsessed and I usually don't give a shit what is going on in any of these "stars" lives but television is jamming Heather Mills down our throats. Did anyone in this country know who the hell she was before she appeared on Dancing With the Stars? I'm a Beatles fan and all I knew about her was that she had one leg and was tying to get millions from McCartney during their divorce. Guess what Heather, divorce sucks. And here's another piece of information, divorce sucks even more when there are hundreds of millions of dollars at stake and when your husband is one of the most famous men in the world. Take my advice and add yourself, as the fucked up handi-capable newest neighbor, to the shitty gold digger Bravo show The Real Housewives of Orange County. I think you'd fit in well there.

Porno Punk

I've been a fan of Amy Winehouse and her retro 60's Spector (pre-sticking guns in women's mouths and killing them) wall of sound thing since she broke onto the US scene early this year. But since her recent pot arrest and her stints in rehab (Oh, Amy) have pushed her out of the public eye, I've fallen in love with a new band...The Pipettes. Sure, my new love-band's music isn't as rich musically as the booze-laden Winehouse's is but honestly, who cares? I've played Back To Black to death and besides 'Addicted' and 'Tears Dried On Their Own' I'm fucking sick of it.

The Pipettes offer me something Winehouse could never give me; eye and ear candy. The Pipettes are so sugary sweet but with a hint of badass. And when you have three hot chicks fronting a band dressed in retro sixties mini-skirts you really can't go wrong. But besides my adolescent crush, my real love is for the ultra poppy melodic hooks that accompany so many of their songs, chief among them "Tell Me What You Want". If I could somehow climb into the song and ride the chorus I would. I somehow imagine that's how sex would be with all three of them together. What can I say, I'm a sucker for strings, skirts and sex.

I'm Frightened

Halloween is right around the corner and I'm frightened. No, its not because of the skeletons, witches and ghouls that come out around the 31st. I'm terrified because I just heard 'The Monster Mash' on the radio and I know that I am going to be hearing that graveyard smash for the next five days until I want to drive my car into a pole just to avoid it.

But that's the not the only thing that scares the living shit out of me. I've noticed an onslaught of television commercials that pit children as the gatekeepers of everything I ought to know and understand. One spot has a five year old expounding financial concerns to his parents at two in the morning, mascaraing as a nightmare, until his parents ease his concerns that they are covered by the perfect financial brokerage house and covered by the right insurance. If I'm being honest with you, I have no fucking idea about insurance nor do I have any idea if my assets are safe and my financial security sound. If the goal of this commercial was to make me feel like a mental midget, guess what, it wins. The fact that a five year old knows more than me about insurance, let alone possesses the vocabulary to express his concerns, leaves me feeling a tad insecure about the path I've led so far in life.

Do me a favor Madison Avenue, feed me some pitch men that I can listen to. If you want to sell me some financial services give me some middle age guy wearing a pin stripe suit with glasses telling me what an loser I am for not paying attention to my future. Call me old fashion, but, yes, I want the stereotypes. They make me feel warm and fuzzy as I blow right past them with my Tivo.

Here's An Oldie But Goodie: The Problem With Social Networking

From April 2007, but after CTIA this year it still rings true...

Sure, you've heard the buzz. Social Networking is where its at these days. If you believe all the press you would think that everyone under the age of 25 uses one and if you believe the amount of money VC's have thrown into starting different social networks over the past year you would think that its just a matter of time before we have the next billion dollar deal. The truth lies somewhere in between.

People do use social networks but the problem isn't the amount of eye balls or registered users accessing the particular social network, it is the time-old problem of earning revenue (I'm not even going to delve into a discussion about actually turning a profit). Despite what these social networks are leading you to believe, that they are earning revenue (if they can) through advertising, the reality is they are existing off the venture capital that they received when they funded their initial project. The missing piece of the social networking puzzle has been and will continue to be how to make money.

Some have tried a subscription model forcing users to pay up or to be shut out of the social network's main functionality. This seems like corporate suicide. Two great examples of this are: Classmates.com and Reunion.com. I actually tired out both sites the other day. To Classmates credit they have a promotional period that allows you to use the functionality you went to the site for in the first place. You can email people, view profiles and post pictures. After this promotional period you're out of luck. Until you pony up some monthly cash it looks like your 11th grade girlfriend is going to have to find herself a new classmate to rekindle her fire.

Reunion is even worse. They don't even let you try out the functionality of the site. They just want you to sign up for a monthly fee straight away. And that's the not the worst part. They send you daily messages claiming that people are viewing your profile. I know I was popular in high-school but I highly doubt that the minute I posted my profile five people just couldn't wait to see what david deutsch was up to these days. This kind of amateur hour marketing is the worst.

But I digress, Social Networking can work. It can earn revenue. But, it is going to take some creative thinking on the part of the social networks themselves. Mobile is the most likely place for revenue to occur. I'm not talking about WAP or downloadable applications either. Mobile internet is a waste of time and doesn't lead to anything but frustration from the users. I'm talking about using sms and mms to enhance the current functionality of the social network themselves and then billing the users of the functionality using PSMS (premium messaging). Think of mobile as an extension of the web version that doesn't require any work from the end user. Comments left on a profile would be delivered to a person's cell phone. Uploading photos, comments, video from your phone to a blog or profile. Chat, IM and communication with your friends simultaneously on the web and on your cell phone without having to download a pain in the ass shitty java application. This is the where social networks should be heading. But, sadly, they are not heading in this direction.

Unfortunately, the Social Networks themselves have bought into the buzz and hype. They have wasted time and money developing WAP based applications that no one will use and no one uses so they can claim that they have a mobile solution. Some have even gone out and built terrible java based applications that a user must download to their cell phone. No one uses these applications and there certainly isn't any revenue to be made from these solutions. It's time Social Networks woke up and looked at a fresh solution that would solve two of their biggest questions...How to keep users engaged when they are not at their computers and how to make money doing it.