Porno Punk

I've been a fan of Amy Winehouse and her retro 60's Spector (pre-sticking guns in women's mouths and killing them) wall of sound thing since she broke onto the US scene early this year. But since her recent pot arrest and her stints in rehab (Oh, Amy) have pushed her out of the public eye, I've fallen in love with a new band...The Pipettes. Sure, my new love-band's music isn't as rich musically as the booze-laden Winehouse's is but honestly, who cares? I've played Back To Black to death and besides 'Addicted' and 'Tears Dried On Their Own' I'm fucking sick of it.

The Pipettes offer me something Winehouse could never give me; eye and ear candy. The Pipettes are so sugary sweet but with a hint of badass. And when you have three hot chicks fronting a band dressed in retro sixties mini-skirts you really can't go wrong. But besides my adolescent crush, my real love is for the ultra poppy melodic hooks that accompany so many of their songs, chief among them "Tell Me What You Want". If I could somehow climb into the song and ride the chorus I would. I somehow imagine that's how sex would be with all three of them together. What can I say, I'm a sucker for strings, skirts and sex.

I'm Frightened

Halloween is right around the corner and I'm frightened. No, its not because of the skeletons, witches and ghouls that come out around the 31st. I'm terrified because I just heard 'The Monster Mash' on the radio and I know that I am going to be hearing that graveyard smash for the next five days until I want to drive my car into a pole just to avoid it.

But that's the not the only thing that scares the living shit out of me. I've noticed an onslaught of television commercials that pit children as the gatekeepers of everything I ought to know and understand. One spot has a five year old expounding financial concerns to his parents at two in the morning, mascaraing as a nightmare, until his parents ease his concerns that they are covered by the perfect financial brokerage house and covered by the right insurance. If I'm being honest with you, I have no fucking idea about insurance nor do I have any idea if my assets are safe and my financial security sound. If the goal of this commercial was to make me feel like a mental midget, guess what, it wins. The fact that a five year old knows more than me about insurance, let alone possesses the vocabulary to express his concerns, leaves me feeling a tad insecure about the path I've led so far in life.

Do me a favor Madison Avenue, feed me some pitch men that I can listen to. If you want to sell me some financial services give me some middle age guy wearing a pin stripe suit with glasses telling me what an loser I am for not paying attention to my future. Call me old fashion, but, yes, I want the stereotypes. They make me feel warm and fuzzy as I blow right past them with my Tivo.

Here's An Oldie But Goodie: The Problem With Social Networking

From April 2007, but after CTIA this year it still rings true...

Sure, you've heard the buzz. Social Networking is where its at these days. If you believe all the press you would think that everyone under the age of 25 uses one and if you believe the amount of money VC's have thrown into starting different social networks over the past year you would think that its just a matter of time before we have the next billion dollar deal. The truth lies somewhere in between.

People do use social networks but the problem isn't the amount of eye balls or registered users accessing the particular social network, it is the time-old problem of earning revenue (I'm not even going to delve into a discussion about actually turning a profit). Despite what these social networks are leading you to believe, that they are earning revenue (if they can) through advertising, the reality is they are existing off the venture capital that they received when they funded their initial project. The missing piece of the social networking puzzle has been and will continue to be how to make money.

Some have tried a subscription model forcing users to pay up or to be shut out of the social network's main functionality. This seems like corporate suicide. Two great examples of this are: Classmates.com and Reunion.com. I actually tired out both sites the other day. To Classmates credit they have a promotional period that allows you to use the functionality you went to the site for in the first place. You can email people, view profiles and post pictures. After this promotional period you're out of luck. Until you pony up some monthly cash it looks like your 11th grade girlfriend is going to have to find herself a new classmate to rekindle her fire.

Reunion is even worse. They don't even let you try out the functionality of the site. They just want you to sign up for a monthly fee straight away. And that's the not the worst part. They send you daily messages claiming that people are viewing your profile. I know I was popular in high-school but I highly doubt that the minute I posted my profile five people just couldn't wait to see what david deutsch was up to these days. This kind of amateur hour marketing is the worst.

But I digress, Social Networking can work. It can earn revenue. But, it is going to take some creative thinking on the part of the social networks themselves. Mobile is the most likely place for revenue to occur. I'm not talking about WAP or downloadable applications either. Mobile internet is a waste of time and doesn't lead to anything but frustration from the users. I'm talking about using sms and mms to enhance the current functionality of the social network themselves and then billing the users of the functionality using PSMS (premium messaging). Think of mobile as an extension of the web version that doesn't require any work from the end user. Comments left on a profile would be delivered to a person's cell phone. Uploading photos, comments, video from your phone to a blog or profile. Chat, IM and communication with your friends simultaneously on the web and on your cell phone without having to download a pain in the ass shitty java application. This is the where social networks should be heading. But, sadly, they are not heading in this direction.

Unfortunately, the Social Networks themselves have bought into the buzz and hype. They have wasted time and money developing WAP based applications that no one will use and no one uses so they can claim that they have a mobile solution. Some have even gone out and built terrible java based applications that a user must download to their cell phone. No one uses these applications and there certainly isn't any revenue to be made from these solutions. It's time Social Networks woke up and looked at a fresh solution that would solve two of their biggest questions...How to keep users engaged when they are not at their computers and how to make money doing it.